'I would never let my kids do something like this... unless it 's October 31st '
New principal at Mackenzie: fourth change in 2 years. Is it a curse??
“Ronald Dump says he will ban being a Democrat upon being elected” - DJ Vance probably
'They 're eating the WHAT???'
'Google Classroom? Back in my day, we had a real classroom in a real school. Not this wishy-washy Google stuff you hear of today,'TDSB Congressman, age 86, says.
Students create a new game show to help reluctant Gr. 12s choose a career path. Also local media gets involved.
Toronto schools use Subway Surfer gameplay for boosted attention. Split-screen learning shows unprecedented engagement; r/AITA rewriting plans most effective.
School mural reference sheets replaced with poor flounder drawings; outrage ensues. Security camera footage dismissed as coincidence. Students submit better flounder images for mural.
Mazkenzie changes late start to start 5 minute early; students love the new challenge.
Mackenzie implements alarms into hall passes to catch students skipping class, causing uproar amongst the student body.
Grade 13 aims to deflate high school marks to provide an equitable high school experience.
The battle of the century
'We shall discusseth our plans for the grand weeketh of spirit '- Julius Caesar, former President of the Mackenzie Student Council
“*Vertically. You really cut the paper in half **vertically**. Who the*"
Possibly not a good idea
“Why care about school when you can touch the flounder?”
“Modern problems require modern solutions”
10,000 unique “Phish and Chips” digital collectibles will be released at a starting price of $69,420.
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
Everyone is ready to cash in on those “hard earned” bonus marks
Wiping my tears with cash is so 2022.
Teachers embrace technology in a desperate attempt to “shut those kids up
Flounder issue of December 2022
Featuring Business Prodigy Trist Coan
Safety first, learning much further down the list.
“Our priority has always been to best accommodate our students.”
Now coming at you in 0k
Averages skyrocket to 145%, leading the nation 's education system.
How much is the increase in productivity? It’s over 9000%!
The first step to a better Mackenzie.
Facts don’t care about your feelings, and the fact is that the pool has always been there.
The darn kids are not taking COVID seriously
"The Ministry of Education truly cares about its students."
Experts are confused, economists are happy, and Doug REFUSES to hesitate...
"God I love democracy,"said Barsh Bharma, after winning the student council president elections in a (literal) landslide.
"This will cause the greatest economic disaster humanity has ever seen."
Ministries provide conflicting responses...
Mackenzie is calling on students to begin cheating again and put an end to their suspicious behaviour.
"This simply is beyond modern medicine,"says one Harvard doctor.
"Finally student safety is a priority,"one virtual student told us.
"We hear you loud and clear,"says administration in response to student body 's declining mental health
"By any reasonable standards, last night 's squall was exceptionally mild."
"Why earn gold stars when you can earn gold bars?", says Mynkrapht Steev, a Mackenzie student turned minor miner.
An in-depth investigation
"I now know how it feels to chew 5 gum… painful,"says Yom Ama, a bubblegum abuse victim.
"There was just no other day to fit it in.
"They used to grow all kinds of flowers. Now they only seem to grow poppies."
Yes.
Student walks inside from the snowy outdoors, "s*** it 's cold in here!"
"They could be having private conversations!"
Improving our world one step at a time
"We 're all pissed "
"We were after locker space, not a void in space,"says protest leader, Chirag Gupta
Geric Mrtler, co-president of T of U says "the future of the workforce, reputation of our university, and the entire education system really isn 't worth all that much."
"I 'm so glad that school is finally teaching us something practical."
"Future trends, we decided, should be considered negative,"said the Official Mackenzie Statistic Fabricator.
"Aren 't bridges supposed to be made with popsicle sticks?"
"After all, not everybody can properly sort their waste—it 's just too difficult sometimes."
Some insist that the club never existed in the first place. Perhaps it is for the best that we do the same.
You can 't have disruptions to your study schedule if you don 't study at all.
"[Screams] It 's got my leg,"says mascot trainer.
Silence a welcome space for students to self-reflect and check their phones.
Students now travel the halls one on top of another in an orderly fashion.
Students plan on "getting the first fifteen correct."
"It 's warmer in Jamaica,"says one staff member.
New regulation comes after claims that the action poses a safety hazard and decreased brain activity.